For all of the plans and big ideas I have, I am always amazed at the unplanned business of life that makes me smile. I tell myself things like, Once you get through this semester, Once you graduate, Once you can make more money, Once you go on vacation.... once these things happen, then you'll be happy.

But then last night David and I went out to dinner and talked about the wedding, which we haven't done a whole lot of. We mention things in passing, but we devoted an actual conversation to it over dinner. I realized in that moment that what makes me happy is laughing so hard with the man I love, planning more of our wacky wedding. That makes me happy.

After dinner we walked back home to pick up our Jake. Leash and poo bags in hand, me ventured out into the perfect 70 degree night for ice cream and a long walk. That makes me happy.

As we were rounding the last corner, almost home from this perfect night, we walked into what was most probably a drug deal. It happens. We just kept to ourselves, continuing our conversation, walking around the group of guys. One guy, high or drunk or somehow impaired, yelled, "Hey, gimme that dog! Gimme that mother fuckin' dog!" He keeps yelling this at us, following us. The yummy fries, chicken wrap, and cherry ice cream fell out of harmony in my stomach, rising into my chest, my heart racing. Fortunately, he didn't follow us around the corner.

There are some pros to having gang activity in your neighborhood. It keeps a certain level of safety, honestly. Gangs are protecting their turf and generally don't want the police around. They try to keep a lid on things. There are guys walking down my street at night, loitering on corners, and usually they either pretend not to see me, or they tilt their hat in an oddly mannered, old-fashioned way. I'm not a threat to them. I'm not disrupting the street. I don't walk a 2 pound dog in my Jimmy Choo stilettos like the people they see turning their affordable apartments into condos. I have a certain credibility in my over-sized Irish sweater, a pit bull at the end of my leash. They know I have some street smarts the way I carry my keys with one poking out between each knuckle and pepper spray dangling at my wrist. They leave me alone.

But sometimes there are problems and I have to admit to myself that a part of me yearns for the homogeneous suburbs. Then, I feel guilty the rest of the night, and try to think of ways I can help. If we just improve our schools, these young men would have options. If we just stop expecting young black men to commit crimes, maybe they'll stop living up to our expectation. I wonder how the hell I can change it all.

Last night really shook me up. The thought of someone trying to take Jake away from us, although under no circumstances would David and I have let him win that battle, shook me. It made me realize my strong love for this little creature in my life, and how much I treasure a lazy day, strolling around the city with the two men in my life.