The past week has been full of emotions. I don't know where to begin. Long story short, I have realized that my friend Chris was right last year when he told me that weddings bring out the worst in people. It will bring up old family drama, old agendas, and feelings get hurt all too quickly. The strange part is, none of it has to do with the point of the wedding, which is the two people gettting married. For example, with me, it has been about my mom's husband's children and now about my mom and her best friend. Go figure. The stories are too long and not interesting to anyone else, so that is all I'll say. Weddings are ridiculous.
Speaking of weddings, a big ol' slice of heteronormativity for ya, I started classes last week and discussions taking place in my classes touching on gender/sexuality have made thinking about my wedding really interesting. It's helped me to put it in perspective, helped me to define what getting married means to me, and has helped me to, essentially, raise the middle finger to any and all who are trying to tell me, and us, what being married is all about, what a wedding is supposed to mean, and how we are supposed to go about all of it. Why is marriage this one-size-fits-all model? Not just that it's held as this ultimate goal, or ultimate state of a relationship, but that within marriage, it has to be a certain way? Again, not even something as "controversial" as same-sex marriage, but within the context of my heterosexual marriage, I am still being told how to go about it. It doesn't stop with one man marrying one woman; the DOMA definition (grrrrr Clinton!) is not enough. I have heard the following statements since expressing the fact that I am getting married:
1* "No more going out with your male friends, just the two of you! Get it out of your system now!"
2* "Well, now wherever you go to grad school he has to go...or if he finds a job in a different city than your grad school, someone will have to compromise. Shouldn't you guys wait until you're older, more settled?"
3* "When are you guys having kids?"
4* "I can't believe you're getting married. Aren't you like...a feminist or something? Aren't you a queer community ally? Are you selling out?"

1* This implies that I just won't be able to keep myself from sleeping with any of my male friends, or that they aren't trustworthy, either. Couldn't this also be said of close female friends? You don't know anything about me, jerkface! :o) Not to mention that some married couples choose to have an open relationship. I don't know that I could do it, but others can and really enjoy it. Your definition of marriage is not everyone else's.
2* Well, that ship has sailed. We own a home together. We live together. We have a dog together. I don't need a legal document to keep me in the same city, the same household, as David. I choose to do that. We've already moved to Chicago together, chosen to stay in Chicago together, and look forward to being nomadic together in the future, if that is indeed what the future holds. As David says, "we're both set...career-wise, I mean. People eat and have sex in every city."
3* Never. And I think if Planned Parenthood really stood for a woman's right to choose, you wouldn't have to be of a certain age or be psychologically evaluated before having a tubal ligation. What if we change our minds? Then we do. But I don't see how that is any of your business and where you have room to judge if our minds will change or what our lives will be missing if they don't.
4* Yeah. I'm a feminist and I'm also a huge supporter of acceptance for all types of families. David and I are already a family, legally or not, and until we can be fully recognized as such without getting legally recognized as a married couple, I guess we'll have to buy into the system. Plus, one of the issues I work behind is marriage equality...if I think everyone should have the right to marry, doesn't that mean staunch hetero feminists as well? We are planning our wedding with our morals and beliefs in mind; for instance, I am not throwing a bouquet. The idea of having my single friends clamour to be the next one plucked from her miserable spinster life is not in any way cute, not even for a photo op. We aren't using any readings with gendered language. We want the legal recognition, so we're getting it...and using it, unashamedly, to throw a big party for our friends and fam...and to register for gifts. :o)

So those are my thoughts.
If you cared.
Which you most probably don't.